I haven't run since last Thursday. As my pre-teen (Heaven help me) son would say, "Epic fail." This is a mistake for me, as I would imagine, for any newbie runner. Ahhhh, Rest - you are a dark and twisted mistress, calling out, "Look how well you did the other day! You deserve this break. Given how great you felt after your longest run yet last week, you will bounce right back into those relaxed steps and even breathing you discovered just 1, 2, 3,......SIX days ago." Ugh. Time to get it in gear, Grandpa girl.
Today I decided to embark on a journey like no other. OK, let's be clear, I did not sign up for an Antarctic marathon or a hike up Mt. Ranier. This is a journey ripped from the diaries of motherhood, career, sanity and running, now apparently fused into a bizarre and haphazard fabric that has become the new hat I wear these days (I know, thankfully, I am not alone in this wacky place). Now that I think about it, a trip to the Antarctic might be a lovely vacation....anywho, my quest for today was to run while my kiddos (Brooks, my son, age 12 and Samaya, my daughter, age8) cruised along on their bikes with me. I almost laugh out loud as I type it. You see, like many other parents in their pre-kid years, I was lulled (read "duped") somehow into thinking, "My children will never be those horrid beasts screaming in the grocery store about a new, beloved box of cereal, wearing a Halloween costume, rain boots and a parka in December. Who dresses these kids anyway?". I have to admit, my kids are definitely not those kids (they are actually fabulous kids, 98% of the time as long as my husband and I aren't around), BUT they do LOVE to supervise each other on every aspect of daily living, right down to how and when food should be consumed and how much toothpaste to use per brushing session. They keep score on who did what chores and when, and they love to report each other's behavior to us, often feigning concern for the safety and well being of the other, us, the dog, the house, the neighbors, or the universe at large, just so they can reveal that a certain someone is stepping out of line and that they themselves are simply being a good citizen in telling us. Sound familiar? This is the recipe I was cooking up for today's run. Fitness and family all in one? Hmmm... yes - a journey like no other. I was definitely anticipating this to take 3 times as long as it normally would - even flying solo at my Grandpa running pace. Onward and upward people!
I get a little backpack together with snacks for the kiddos, a protein bar for me, and water for all. We were only going 3 miles total (the longest running distance I've attempted since cruising well into my 30's) - 1.5 to my office, break for an adjustment (AMEN!), potty as needed, and 1.5 back home - so I knew we wouldn't really need snacks, but if you have children, or have ever even met one, you know that you are never more than 3 minutes out the door before they are testifying on a stack of bibles that they are about to collapse from thirst and/or starvation (this continues even at ages 12 and 8, for all you toddler parents out there). Toss ID, tissues & eyedrops (it is cottonwood season, after all), keys and chapstick in the bag and we're ready to go. While I'm tying my shoes, we have what I like to call a little "Come To Jesus" meeting. I explain that for safety we will stop at all intersections and parking lot driveways and only proceed when we've checked both directions twice, and only on my go ahead. We also discuss that fact that there is no whining of any kind. A valuable piece of advice I learned from my many miles of walking training is that whining causes blisters. OK, not REALLY, obviously, but I was not tolerating the chants of, "I'm hungry", "I'm hot/cold", "I have to pee", "He/she is in my way", blah, blah, blah....and yes, for the record, I AM the meanest mommy in the world - just ask my kids. They can tell their therapists in years to come that it's all my fault - I am running today and I really want to try to do well and avoid distractions. Work with me, people!
We set out and the kiddos are brilliant! They are excited to be out and about on their bikes on roads I would never let them travel alone at this age, and they also have the opportunity to see their dear old mum suck some wind and look kind of gross along the way - double bonus! I give signals as to direction, where to stop, when to go, all of them in an out of breath kind of bark, but the kids knew I was serious about being safe and us all having a good little workout, so they complied 100%. I am so glad I am writing this down because it will be documented for future reference, for both their benefit and mine (I have proof that they CAN listen and they have documentation we can trust them for other adventures, which I'm sure they will try to get the most mileage out of...).We cruise along to my office, park the bikes inside and I hit the stopwatch - 16:38. Nice! Given crosswalk stops, a few small slopes, etc., a pretty good pace for a mile and a half after 6 days rest (read "lollygagging and blowing off exercise"), kids in tow. We go into my office, greet my hubs and hop up on the tables for our adjustments. This is the perfect time to make sure my brain-body connection is humming along at top speed, given that I am conquering a distance further than I've gone before (albeit with a break), and along a somewhat new route with company other than an experienced runner. In case you hadn't picked up on it, I AM making a big deal of this because, admittedly, I am a bit high maintenance. I also have high (read "HIGH!" ) expectations of myself (and usually others, especially my kids) and get really irritated when I need something to go well, like this run today. I decree this expedition will hereby pave the way for all future family running/biking jaunts with any kind of anticipation of enjoyment. So it has been decreed by the Queen of Grandpa Running and shall be made known throughout the kingdom. No pressure. HA!! Post life-altering, body-healing, energy-cranking Chiropractic adjustment, we pop in to the grocery store next door for an anniversary card for my parents, and a free sample cookie from the bakery (a shout-out to George and the bakery crew - Albertsons make the best chocolate chip cookies - thank you!). Upon returning to my office, my great friend and fabulous staff member, Lisa, points out that what I'm noshing doesn't really resemble a protein bar. This is why I love her. I retort with, "I just ran 1.5 miles. These calories are already gone! I feel them leaving my body instantly!" Right? Right.
A cookie for each belly, a swig of water and out the door again. I start the stopwatch again and we're off. Up a slope, down (mercifully) a slope, across the street, around some corners and into our home territory. The kids quickly abandon me for friends playing outside and, with a wave goodbye, I press on to the corner of my street. It's sbout 75 yards to my house. OK Jen, you win - I turn on the jets (pause here for doubled over, face hurts, tears streaming down, out loud laughter) and sprint (read "Grandpa run with zeal and reckless abandon") all the way home and up my driveway. Hit the stopwatch - 15:40! BOO-YA!!! A quick calculation (OK, not really - I did the math later, on paper, while I chugged down my electrolyte drink at my dining room table, because my brain was too busy concentrating on breathing to do it in my head the moment I stopped running) and I realize I averaged 10:46 mile. I am super excited!! Yes, I had a potty break, and yes, I had an amazing adjustment, and yes, I had a cookie and card-shopping break, but even with breaks I am SO giving myself credit for coming in under 11 minutes per mile AND running (all totaled) further than I've run before - 3.05 miles to be exact. I say again to you, gentle reader - BOO-YA!! BOO-DEE-HOOTIE-DOO-BOO-YA!!!
Only .45 miles further for the total mileage for the Warrior Dash, and the obstacles will require me to at least slow down, if not stop and wait for others ahead of me. Granted I will be expending energy climbing ropes, bellycrawling in mud and jumping over fire, but the madness and muck of it all will distract my brain at least a little. My goal is to finish the dash and all the obstacles, keep mud out of my mouth and lungs, and have fun. Besides, there will be rockin' tunes, good friends, my very own Viking helmet and a cold beer waiting for me at the end. How can I NOT succeed? Finish and have fun I will - no doubt! See you on the road - possibly with awesome kiddos in tow ;)
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